Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

So, I figured I'd better post somethin' up here since it's been nearly three months since anyone's heard from me. (Plus, a FULL three months since my last post?? Now THAT would be embarrassing!)

I had an experience at school today which has, unfortunately, become all too commonplace. Two friends (both females) and I were waiting to take the elevator from the 8th floor of the building where our grad student offices are located, down to the ground level (2nd floor). They were apparently working on the elevators because it took forever. At 7 we pick up a few more passengers (including my least favorite professor ever--lucky me) and at this point we're pretty much filled to capacity (especially when you consider backpacks and other bags.) Nevertheless, we get to 6, the doors open up and, in spite of the fact we are jammed in there like lemmings, two guys and a girl decide they just cannot wait, and they hop on.

As the doors close we heard (and felt) a "snap." Now, I don't know what it was, but it was real and there were witnesses. At this point I begin to get a little nervous. I mean, we are stuffed to the rafters in this thing--the kind where I was getting claustrophobic and taking in gulps of air. We stop at 4, and, again, we hear/feel the "snap." The doors open and there stood a woman; it was clear, by her face, she fully intended on getting on that thing. (Really, lady? You find going DOWN two floors so taxing that you're willing to rub belly, butt, and thighs up against nine strangers just to hitch a ride?)

This is where my friends and I simultaneously decided taking the stairs might be wise. We each politely announced our intention, "Hey, we're going to just get off here," as a way of signaling to the guys at the front, "Move it--we're blowing this popsicle stand." But to no avail. We say it a second time, "'Scuse us--can we get off here?" And then, no joke, the guys at the front, rather than stepping outside the elevator to let us off, merely TURNED TO THE SIDE, BACKPACKS AND ALL, thus further blocking our way. Still, somehow we managed to get off. As we walked toward the stairs, I said, "No problem fellas. By all means, y'all stay there and the women will take the stairs."

Once in the stairwell, we start heading down and begin commenting on how ridiculous that girl and two boys were for getting on in the first place. We also gripe about how we couldn't believe NOT ONE of those men offered to take the stairs even though 1) we were there first, and 2) we were girls. It was about this time that a male student, headed upstairs, cut my friend off and nearly hit her in the face with a door as he entered the 3rd floor hallway! IN THE FACE!! WITH A DOOR!!!

I thought to myself, "For crying out loud, who are these people?" I was utterly embarrassed for them? How had they gotten that old without learning basic manners? And here's the kicker, the professor who was on the elevator with us (Did I mention he was my least favorite, EVER?) is an ethics professor! He understands ethics but not common courtesy? I find that quite curious especially since, as an undergraduate, I had to sit through hours and hours of this guy rambling on and on about "the magnanimous man." Puh! What did he know about any of it?

I guess I'm just so disappointed. I'm sure part of this has to do with the fact I was raised in the South (moment of silence) where, by and large, men still take pride in being men. And if Southern gentlemen were to take up residence in the Rocky Mountain west, then I think logically we could assume they'd be cowboys, right? Or at least cowboy-esque--you know, manly men who, typically speaking, exhibit gentlemanly behavior...with the noted exception of shooting folks in the middle of town. But I've been here four years and I don't mind telling ya', many of these guys are scant on manners--especially when it comes to women! In my opinion, this represents an utter waste of boy parts. Oh, if only they'd institute a "use-it-or-lose-it" policy THEN maybe I'd get to ride the dang elevator all the way to the ground level!

10 comments:

trentathon said...

Hi One Southern Bell, I understand that people should be nice to others, and that is a shame that you ran into so many ignorant or otherwise impolite individuals in such a short space of time. However, why the man-hating? I don't feel like men should have an extra high bar of accountability. Men and women are equal, right? Men should be as nice to women as they are to men. Women should also be equally nice too.

One Southern Belle said...

Au contraire, trentathon--I LOVE MEN! (I mean, seriously, I have a hard time not kissing anything with broad shoulders and pectoral muscles.)In fact, I not only love them, I freakin' revere them!

What I don't appreciate is males who don't seize the opportunity to be MEN, or, more specifically, to be gentlemen. Frankly, I feel the same way about women. I love being a girl--believe me, I am all about boobs and lipstick--and I find it sad (and really a little repulsive) when females choose to not exhibit behaviors (including kindness) becoming a woman.

The argument here isn't over "being nice"--it's about courtesy, propriety, and the social competence that seems to be lacking in all-too-many people.

By the way, thanks for the comment--I love hearing from all sides on this stuff!

trentathon said...

hahaha, you are funny! Well one more point of clarification. I find it hard to be a cowboy in today's world. Some of my female friends would frankly find it offensive that men are being nice to them just because they are female. I mean, can't it be interpreted as a little condescending. "Hi, I am a man, and you are a woman, therefore I am going to 'help' you, implying that you need extra help." But when I have the motive of doing nice things for girls because I like doing nice things for everyone, there is less confusion.

One Southern Belle said...

Trentathon, let me be the first to commend you on your high standards. Let me also be the first to apologize for any girl/woman who chooses to take offense in response to your kind gestures.

Look, you're doing the right thing in continuing to be chivalrous; and if women feel condescended to, well then tough noogies--that's their problem. Because the truth of the matter is this: I don't believe most men think, "Oh, she's a woman. She needs the assistance of a big, stong man such as myself." I honestly believe when a man decides to open a door, lift heavy objects, take a bullet, etc. for a woman, he probably doesn't give it a lot of thought--it's primarily instinctive. Or if it premeditated, it's probably something along the lines of, "This is the polite thing to do."

Good for you, Trentathon, for continuing to have integrity in your behavior towards women. And good for you for not bringing shame to your gender, unlike the women who shun your courteous display.

Would you do me a favor please? The next time you encounter such a woman, would you please ask her, on my behalf, to turn in her ovaries--if she's going to behave like that, she's not welcome in the "girl club."

Garity said...

DUH!!! I'm willing to bet it was because they were all Utahrds!

Must comment on one thing, I'm all about Southern Gentlemen & Cowboys but can I add Special Agent to that group too? Mine is awfully high up on the whole "1st class treatment of women" scale and he's definately not what I would call a Southern Gentleman or a Cowboy. ...So who gets the credit for his chivalry among other great assets? HIS MOTHER! 100%! So I'd like to add a "shame on you" to those women who refuse to raise good boys into great men all in the name of PC BS. (BTW, you know my boys will be whipped into shape and my daughters-in-law will be singing my praises, Laaaaaaaaaaa! Ha Ha, just kidding) Love you Cheryl! Thanks for finally posting!

One Southern Belle said...

Oh yeah--Special Agents get their own special category!

And I agree, mothers should get a lot of the credit (or blame, as the case may be.)

Love ya!

Aryn said...

Giddyitonup and yeehoodleehaw, you're back!! I never gave up on this thing, checking it day after day, searching for any spark of life, like a desperate lover, knowing that if I forced it long enough your blog would respond and love me back. And yes, finally, a post.

I for one have never gotten upset with a man who wanted to open the door for me or carry my bags. Or manhandle me a little, for that matter.

Off (and yet still on) topic: last month I was in a crammed elevator at the courthouse, and the thing stopped midfloor! Twice! You could see in people's faces that although they were trying to stay calm, claustrophobia was setting in. One man (apparently panicked) even reached over and tried to pry the doors open, again mid-floor. (Like that would have done any good). Like I said, off topic.

Welcome back, Mr. Kotter!

One Southern Belle said...

Oh Aryn, I KNEW I could count on you for a funny...and to have NO SHAME!!! (Manhandle me??? LOL!!)

So, how'd y'all get out of the elevator? What about the nervous guy--did you wind up having to give him mouth-to-mouth or chest compressions?

Rich said...

Hahaha, my two favorite lines:
"In my opinion, this represents an utter waste of boy parts. Oh, if only they'd institute a 'use-it-or-lose-it' policy"

"The next time you encounter such a woman, would you please ask her, on my behalf, to turn in her ovaries--if she's going to behave like that, she's not welcome in the 'girl club.'"

Cheryl, I completely agree with you! This was a sad day for men and especially men at BYU!! I assure you I will never be found guilty of such an act (you can thank my mom for that). Part of your problem is you're up on campus where all the 'girly' men hang out. You need to come down to the West side of campus (aka in the RB) where the real men are, we play sports often, grunt frequently and always open doors and take stairs for women!!

One Southern Belle said...

Rich, you're right--there ARE better men in the RB! I remember noticing that several times before. And yes, these well-mannered men opening doors and uttering compliments were, in fact, athletes. And since we all know athletes tend to be cocky cusses, then I think we can logically conclude that men who have enough faith in their abilities are the same men opening the doors! Is it possible that whether or not a man chooses to open a door for a woman represents a litmus test for the presence of "confidence"? Interesting!

Hey, make sure yo look at my latest post--I want you to weigh in.